Linger
by kismet4891
Summary: AU. Peeta Mellark was not the self-assured, happy young man that he worked so hard to portray to the world. Years of emotional torment from his mother, and lack of support from his father had diminished his self-esteem and understanding of self-worth. His salvation came in the most unexpected form, a life altering mistake that taught him the true meaning of love.
1. Chapter 1

The past builds the future.

Decisions made when people are young create who they become. Yet, many times individuals are told to leave the past exactly there, behind them. For some, this is actually a possibility, but others are incapable of doing so.

Because the past plays an integral role in who they choose to engage with, fuels relationships and ties to who they are, and ultimately who they become.

People will always linger in the past. Sometimes for tiny slivers of time during particular memories, other times in inescapable doubts and traumas that haunt them.

But since they can never fully escape their past, why not embrace it?

...

There wasn't much thinking happening- in fact for the first time since he was five, Peeta Mellark was blissfully unaware of anything going on aside from what was happening in the moment. Thoughts of his tyrant of a mother, pressures of school and athletics, and images of one raven-haired girl that typically invaded his waking and sleeping hours were now obsolete.

The girl underneath him was exceptionally pretty. She had a slender waist, round hips, soft features, and lovely dark blonde hair accentuated with bottle highlights streaking the crown of her head. She was beautiful, and while she had many suitors seeking her affections, she had chosen Peeta.

No one ever chose Peeta.

Well, that was not entirely true. Many friends sought him out when they needed help with a project, or wanted him on their sports team, or possibly just wanted to score free treats from the bakery. This girl, though, was different- she simply wanted to be around Peeta. He didn't know how to deal with this, and he didn't really know what to make of it.

It should be reiterated that no one ever chose Peeta just to have him around. Not his father, brothers, or the girl of his dreams, and especially not his mother. His mother was even fond of reminding him of this particular fact, that she had not chosen him at all.

Four weeks ago Peeta knew very little about the girl beneath him now. Most of his information revolved around the fact that somewhere between their sophomore and junior year her cheerleading sweater fit tighter, and the baby fat had left her cheeks. He had noticed her, like he had many other girls, but he hadn't given her much thought before she approached him after weight training to ask if he wanted to accompany her to get some ice cream.

Peeta had another girl on his mind most hours of the day. A certain quiet girl with grey eyes and dark brown hair, who paid no attention to him, but was always at the forefront of his mind. However, the cheerleader had been insistent, and Katniss Everdeen wasn't interested in spending any time with Peeta.

Katniss Everdeen's angelic voice brought comfort to young Peeta when he was only five years old. He had finally reached that precarious age where the cherubic quality was lost from his countenance, and his cognitive functioning was advanced enough to understand how very disappointed his mother was in him. Barely free from the grasp of toddlerhood, young Peeta was capable of perceiving how his mother felt about him, but not yet mature enough to understand the fault was not his to bear.

However, he could understand the way Katniss Everdeen's voice made him feel. It made him feel happy, it made him forget, and it was the reason music class was the one thing he anticipated most in the entire world. Interestingly enough, Peeta's voice cracked when he sang and he couldn't carry a tune; his talents were really with paint and paper, but he counted down the time to music class with bated breath.

At seventeen, Peeta's preoccupation with the reserved girl developed into something resembling an infatuation, he was enamored with her yet knew little of who she really was. He thought of her frequently, yearned to speak with her (but never did because his tongue felt tied and heavy at the mere thought of approaching her). He often used thoughts of her slight, petite frame to fuel desires while touching himself in the shower, but he had never actually held her hand, brushed hair from her eyes, and he had definitely never held his lips against hers.

He did not know Katniss; they did not run in the same circles or take the same classes (she was in honor's courses, his efforts focused mostly in athletics), but that didn't prevent Peeta from stealing lingering glances at her, or practicing what he would say to her in the mirror.

At this particular point in time, the time that must be mentioned to truly understand how Peeta Mellark's history immediately defined his future, none of that mattered. It was as if Katniss Everdeen, her magical singing voice, and serious grey eyes did not even exist.

Peeta lost himself deep inside the cheerleader, slipping in and sliding out, climbing closer to the edge. His senses were overwhelmed, his breathing ragged and shallow, his eyes squeezing shut as he spilled into her, letting the blackness overtake him. He collapsed on her chest, struggling to take in air, not necessarily noticing that his stocky frame was crushing her smaller one. She squirmed beneath him and he rolled off of her, pulling her tight to his side.

"That was…" Peeta trailed off as he realized that she was studying him carefully, breathing evenly, obviously not experiencing the bliss that he was. Color flooded his cheeks as realization rushed to his brain, "It wasn't good for you? I'm sorry." His mortification ran deep. She had given him so much, and he had repaid her with a truly shameful performance.

Unlike Peeta, this had not been the girl's first experience with sex, which really made his less than stellar performance all the more horrible for him.

"It's okay," she reassured. "Here," she spoke softly as she took his hand and guided it between her legs, "like this."

When she came it was an almost silent event, her body slightly trembling, her breathing becoming just a tad irregular. When she achieved completion it was so quiet that Peeta continued touching her much longer than necessary.

She pried his fingers away, reassuring him that it was good, and she had enjoyed herself, though he was not completely convinced. Frankly, Peeta had been expecting something far different than the reality of the moment. It wasn't anything at all like the shuddering, screaming climaxes he saw on the internet. Believing her was easy though, considering the alternative was an embarrassment he was not quite ready to admit.

When his orgasm-induced fog cleared, awareness struck. It hit him hard, despite what he had been so eager to believe in the moments now passed, he knew that they had messed up. He knew enough about sex and the workings of the human body to know that not using a condom was really not okay. There was pregnancy, and horrible diseases, and many other things that Peeta had never even considered.

Despite the image that he projected to the rest of the world, Peeta was not the self-assured _almost man_ that everyone thought he was. He had insecurities, fears, and an overall low sense of self-esteem brought about by years of emotional abuse at the hands of his mother. He didn't really _want_ to broach the subject, so much as he _had _to broach the subject.

"So, it's really okay that we didn't use a condom?" He had been inside the girl only ten minutes previous, but Peeta could not look at her when he asked this. She was sitting beside him, using a discarded work-out t-shirt to wipe at her inner thighs and between her legs (Peeta knew that he should tell her the shirt was anything but clean, but he was still so nervous just talking to her). She tossed the shirt back down on the floor where she had found it before working her underwear and pants back up her legs.

Peeta was positive he had spoken loud enough for her to hear him, but it took her so long to answer he considered dropping the topic all together. He was so very anxious, completely perplexed as to how to deal with things of this nature.

"Oh yeah, they make me itch and my period was just last week." She spoke nonchalantly, as if she discussed things of this nature every day, but for Peeta this was the very first time the word period had ever been said directly to him.

"Everyone knows you can't get pregnant right after your period- next time just pull out, okay?" Her words stung, her response sounded condescending, and Peeta nodded despite never remembering hearing this particular fact in health class. All in all, he could really only focus on the fact that she said there would be a next time.

There was a next time, and he was better. He even brought condoms with him. Better for Peeta meant this time he lasted longer than the previous time, and at one point he was able to elicit a moan from her. The condoms remained unused, still packed tightly into the box in which Peeta had purchased them in.

This time she wasn't recently off her period, but she pouted and promised it would be okay if he pulled out. She pleaded that she liked to feel their skin move together, and insisted that Peeta would just hate the feeling of latex on his most sensitive skin.

He knew he shouldn't be so complacent, but it was hard not to be when someone wanted to be with him; and it felt so good, which helped him forget. When he did allow himself to linger on the possibilities, he knew what the risk was, the predicament in which they could find themselves, but feeling wanted seemed worth the risk.

It felt like they were playing with fire, and they were, but he didn't really want to stop, so when she said that it would be okay, he chose to believe her.

The dark-haired beauty only came to him in dreams now. He felt foolish for believing that he had once loved her, especially now when he was actually in love, and regularly making love, with his girlfriend. (Even though they really didn't do much talking aside from the things that they said to each other in the dark of night, he was almost positive this is what love was).

He looked forward to being with her, and counted the minutes before he could be inside her again, similar to how he used to count the minutes until music class. It didn't really seem like the love that was portrayed on television and in songs, but this was real life and real life was always different he surmised. His parents weren't the best couple to compare his relationship to, because they often didn't have much to do with one another and had slept in different rooms for as long as he could remember. He knew it didn't feel completely like he expected it would, but he was sure it was love. Peeta's mind wanted to linger on this disconnect, but his heart wouldn't let him.

No point trying to analyze something that wasn't worth analyzing.

Late at night when he could no longer escape the worries that nagged at the corners of his mind, he rationalized that surely she loved him, too. Her legs parted easily and she panted his name. If that wasn't love then what was? So on one muggy night, as the air was heavy with sex and the beginnings of summer, he told her as much as he spilled onto her stomach. Breathing the words was easier than he thought it would be, but he did not anticipate her response.

The girl quickly climbed out from underneath him and moved to the furthest end of the vehicle. Peeta pursued her, moving to be close to her, when she looked directly at him, tears threatening to fall, as the words, "I'm pregnant," fell from her lips instead of the phrase 'I love you, too'.

He knew this was a possibility; it was a small nagging fear at the back of his mind that he had often been able to quiet when he thought of the way she looked when she rode him in the back of his car. Peeta really didn't know what to think except that if this was really happening he would always take care of her.

The girl quickly ran through the options, even though they were both already aware of them. As he often did, Peeta felt useless, but this time the matter-at-hand was so much more important than the other things for which he often felt useless. There was nothing trivial about an unwanted pregnancy; this was not like forgetting to take out the trash or not putting out the right amount of dough to rise at night. No, this was a real fuck-up. One that made every one preceding this seem ridiculously insignificant.

Peeta felt that the decision was hers and hers alone. She would not be alone though, he promised her with a giant lump in his throat. He meant this promise more than any he had ever made before.

The decisions to be made were not easy ones.

Every single one was life altering and huge, threatening to make or break her future- and honestly, his too. She consulted her friends and the internet, and everyone had an opinion, but not Peeta. He remained as neutral as he could be, not wanting to infringe or impose upon a decision he really did not understand.

It must be expressed that he had a bias, a way in which he wanted her to choose, but not once did he share this with the girl.

At this point in time, it is important to consider that 'girl' is not the right word for the woman who was carrying Peeta Mellark's child. No, she was a woman now, and had been since the drugstore test read positive. She could be referred to as woman, Peeta's girlfriend or even expectant mother, but never again would she be considered a girl.

Peeta was there to listen and he held her while she cried, and complained, and begged for someone to tell her what to do. It was not his place to tell her what to do, and he reminded her of such, as he constantly reaffirmed the one thing that he knew to be true.

_Whatever you decide, I'm here for you the entire way. _

For this, his girlfriend was grateful. She knew he thought that he loved her, and at one time she thought that she loved him. This alone was enough for her. They were going through enough stress to break a couple who had been together for years let alone merely months, but Peeta never wavered. He was there for her in a way that no one else had been.

He did not judge, he did not blame (even though he could have blamed), he was not disgusted, he was not hateful, and if anything, he was sweeter to her than anyone else had been before. By the time she had made her decision, she knew without a doubt that Peeta was not going anywhere. He meant what he said, and he stood by it.

Peeta was there when they told her mother, who called her a slut, and worthless, and many things that a mother should never call a daughter despite making a life-changing mistake. What was done was done, and she was in need of support, not criticism. When her mother informed her to pack her bags, Peeta helped her. When the mother followed them to the car, berating and blaming him, he ignored her and helped the girl into the car.

Angry mothers were nothing new to Peeta. In fact, ignoring the barrage of hateful words emanating from his girlfriend's mother was an unimpressive feat for Peeta. He'd been doing the same thing with his own mother since his childhood. His own mother was another obstacle he knew they would eventually have to face, but he wanted to wait as long as he possibly could.

Peeta had a plan, and it was a rather good plan that his girlfriend whole-heartedly agreed with.

They would get an apartment together, a place where they could raise their child and be the family that neither Peeta nor his girlfriend had ever really had. In the meantime, Peeta would need to make money by taking extra shifts at the bakery and possibly another job if he could find one, while she moved in with an aunt who was much more forgiving than her hateful mother.

Peeta was there when they heard the heart beat, steady and unyielding, a swooshing, fluttering sound that filled the room and his heart. He couldn't believe how fast the sound was, and he held his hand over his own heart to see if the beating matched.

It didn't.

Even in his excited state the palpations in his chest did not match the ones echoing through the small room. Together they learned that the rapid heartbeat was actually what it should be and was to be expected. In many ways, this one moment made their situation really hit home. Peeta quietly reflected over what the heartbeat meant.

He was to be a father.

He had known this before, but what he thought to be true was confirmed with the sound. Tears threatened to fall. He held them in though, because tears were pouring from her eyes, and not in a way that said she was feeling the same excitement he was.

With the help of the local health department, his girlfriend and their unborn child were signed up for state medical assistance and a food program that helped make sure that she was eating correctly for the health and development of the life inside her. What should have been a relief to Peeta weighed heavily on his heart. The fact that he was seventeen and unable to provide these things was hard for Peeta to admit to himself, but he was happy to have the assistance.

He attended every nutrition class with her and frequently prepared her dinners and lunches, wanting only the best for the both of them. (His girlfriend had a different lunch period than him, so unbeknownst to Peeta she would often toss his carefully handmade lunches in lieu of the pizza line). Peeta picked up extra shifts at the bakery, claiming that he was being a good brother and son, when in reality he was padding his savings, working towards the day when they could afford a place of their own.

Peeta was there when the ultrasound tech pointed out three lines on a screen and announced, "That right there is proof that the little one you are carrying is a girl." This time when the tears fell he could not stop them. _She_ was in there, _his little girl,_ and she was real, and he was pretty sure that being in love had found an entirely new meaning.

The time to tell his family was rapidly approaching, as his girlfriend was beginning to physically pop, and her state would have been obvious to everyone had it not been for the chilly winter air and baggy wrestling sweatshirts she stole from Peeta that hid her stomach. However, Peeta did not anticipate his mother finding the small grainy ultrasound photo that he kept hidden underneath his pillow.

That was not a good day.

Peeta was banned from his home and the bakery. His father looked at him apologetically but did nothing when his mother took his only source of income and his home from him with one stream of hateful words.

His girlfriend was not there for him when Peeta had to pack his bags and find a place to stay. She did not offer him refuge, or hold ice to his rapidly swelling cheek. She did not even know that it had happened because she did not respond to the texts that Peeta sent her. Instead, she was out with her friends, trying to forget that the bulge under her sweater was not going away anytime soon.

There was an unlikely source of comfort during this time, someone whom Peeta did not consider an enemy, but most certainly did not expect to be the one to offer him comfort or a place to stay in his time of need.

Gale Hawthorne was a complicated young man who, like Peeta, was forced to grow up at a time when he should have been selecting colleges and paying for graduation tassels. The dark-haired man's plight was much different than the blonde man's, but both men could most definitely respect the other's situation.

Gale's story is tied to that of Katniss Everdeen's, and is important to Peeta's history, because if it weren't for what happened to Gale and Katniss, then Peeta may have found himself without a place to stay on that icy winter night.

Peeta sought his brother's comfort, knowing that he could most likely stay the night, possibly even longer until he got his situation worked out. The only problem was that he and his brother did not always see eye-to-eye and often could not be in the same room together without arguing (this is usually the case with brothers who are close in age). Peeta was surprised to discover Gale there, he did not even realize Gale and his brother were friends, although it made sense seeing as they were the same age.

It wasn't that Peeta didn't like Gale; in fact, he really knew little of Gale except that he and Katniss were always together. Even though Katniss was the furthest thing from Peeta's mind that night, he could not help but be uncomfortable in Gale's presence.

His brother did not appear happy to see Peeta when he opened the door. Similarly he did not seem unhappy to find his baby brother on his porch; really he just seemed indifferent to it all. The story that Peeta had to tell, and the small photograph he showed his brother of the tiny life growing inside his girlfriend's stomach, did little to affect his brother, but Gale Hawthorne was a different story. He carefully held the photo in his hands and nodded when Peeta pointed out her tiny legs, bulbous head, and the blurry cavity that denoted where her tiny heartbeat fluttered. He was the first person who regarded the photo as something important and worth being excited for. It was enough to make Peeta cry, though he managed to hold himself back.

There are many possibilities that could have caused Gale's genuine interest in the photo, all of which most likely pertained to his precocious baby sister who was born merely weeks after his father's unfortunate demise. The bond between Gale and young Posy was one that was nearly indescribable in the way that beautiful things often are, and despite the gruff exterior of the eldest Hawthorne he really became mush when it came to adorable little girls (even ones who currently resembled an alien in grainy black and white).

While Gale and the rest of the Hawthorne's story is one worth telling and contemplating, that will be saved for another time, because the story at hand is one about Peeta and the roads and avenues that led him to become the man he was eventually destined to become.

It just so happened that Gale had a room for rent. He had recently moved from his mother's home and into a home of his own, but found that the winter months had proved more expensive with less work coming to his and Katniss' lawn and garden business. Yes, it was true that they were expanding and could be hired to clean gutters and hang Holiday decorations, but for the time being all of Gale's earnings were going into keeping his mother's house running with little left over for the place he had to himself. The room was small, and Gale couldn't promise that he would be able to maintain the house much longer if business did not pick up, but he could promise that for the time being the room was Peeta's if he wanted it.

When he offered this, he hadn't expected Peeta to be able to hold his own in terms of rent and utilities, that just so happened to be a nice bonus. Gale also hadn't realized that Peeta would become invaluable to running the business. His easy-going charm and likeable demeanor would help them win and maintain customers.

Similar though to the Hawthorne's and the Everdeen's story, this is a tale for another time perhaps. For the one at hand has many turns to take before fate took hold of Peeta's life and left him in the circumstance he now finds himself.

The months passed in a blur.

While Peeta had lost employment at the bakery, he had picked up hard-working shifts with Gale putting up and then removing Holiday lights, scalping yards, clearing brush and cleaning planters out for the coming spring months. His girlfriend seemed ambivalent now about getting a place of their own, but was happy to help Peeta arrange a crib and diaper changing table in his bedroom at Gale's.

They were no longer intimate, and many times she seemed to even cringe when Peeta went to kiss her goodnight. It did not deter him though; he remained steadfast in his promise and was there for her in every way that she would allow him. At the time he did not realize what her ambivalence meant, although now if you were to ask him he would tell you he knew in the back of his mind.

College applications were not sent, but Peeta did pass all of his classes and graduated.

While there were many people at his graduation, only a handful were there for him, and only two of them shared his last name, his brothers. The small gathering that was there for him was also there for Katniss Everdeen. He had become close with the Hawthorne's and even Katniss's sister, Prim (even though the dark-headed girl who used to star in his dreams could not be bothered to hold more than polite conversation with him). She was a smart girl, destined for scholarships and studies at a major university. In fact, it was her absence from Everthorne Lawn and Landscaping that had allowed Peeta an opportunity to make money when he was no longer able to work at the bakery.

His girlfriend chose to have her diploma mailed to her aunt's house instead of walking with the rest of their class.

Truth be told, Peeta was just thrilled to have a few people to cheer his name, and he felt far more love from that handful of people than he felt throughout his seventeen years in the Mellark home. Prim and Posy made cakes for him and Katniss, and they shared a graduation party even though they barely exchanged a word. To Peeta, the hastily decorated, dry box cake tasted much better than anything his father had ever produced because the girls who had made it did so with love.

Peeta was there when she went into labor, holding her hand and helping her throughout the worst of the pain before an epidural could be administered. She cried and panted and cursed his name, making a lot more noise than she ever had the entire time they had been together. All the while he held her leg and promised her he would always be there for her and the baby who would soon be arriving.

When the small creature finally pushed free from between her mother's legs, Peeta was shocked to realize what a tiny bundle of wrinkles and mess the baby was. It wasn't as if he expected her to come out wearing pigtails and a smile, he just did not anticipate the state in which she would be delivered, (despite having read all of the books he could find at the local library). The nurse cleared the baby's airway and the infant mewled loudly, the sound delighting Peeta and terrifying the young woman from whom she had just come.

A move was made to place the infant on the mother's chest, who vehemently refused this contact and asked to be left alone. All the while Peeta stood rapt watching the scene unfold before him that included his little girl (perhaps not noticing as he should what was going on with the little girl's mother). He cut where he was directed and followed the baby, his little girl, observing as she screamed her way through her first bath, then he learned how to tuck and fold the edges of a miniscule diaper so it did not rub against her delicate umbilical cord stump.

The mother was a lot less interested in the infant crying in the corner than most new mothers are, eventually asking for more pain medication and dozing while the doctor worked to deliver the placenta and stitch her up. The nurse shook her awake to ask if she was ready to see the baby, because despite the father being ready to hold his child she should really try to nurse first. The mother violently moved her head back and forth, insisting that Peeta would be just fine feeding the baby, whom she had yet to refer to by name.

Finally the time had come, and the baby had been put through all the tortures the nurses could devise to subject a newborn to and was ready to be held. Peeta's arms stretched wide and the petite, swaddled bundle was placed there, tucked close to where his heart beat nervously in his chest.

Peeta stared into her eyes, finally, truly understanding what love was and knowing that he would never be the same again.

* * *

...

"_My little girl, look what you've done. You've gone and stole my heart and made it your own."_

_Jack Johnson, 'My Little Girl'_

_..._

* * *

**Please see my profile or visit me on tumblr (kismetff) to learn more about Linger and all the wonderful people who have assisted me along the way. Thank you! **


	2. Chapter 2

"_When I'm in my sweet daughter's eyes, my heart is now ruined for the rest of all times."_

The Avett Brothers_, "A Father's First Spring"_

* * *

The act of being born is one that unites all races and ethnicities, tying all humans together. Every human has been through the tiresome yet invigorating process of being welcomed into the world.

It is a time filled with joy, sadness, anxiety, and all types of feelings on the continuum of human emotion.

Ultimately, though, it is just a day. While it may be important to those directly affected, the revolution of the world remains unaffected despite it feeling like a major shift has occurred to those who are irrevocably impacted by this new beginning.

**…**

The day Maddix Mellark was born was like any other day.

It was a nondescript Tuesday, there were no fireworks, nor an alignment of the stars, nor anything else to signify that she was now an inhabitant of planet Earth. She arrived sometime around midday, and while her arrival was unnoticed by most, it was still an event marked by tears of all kinds.

Her father unashamedly spilled tears of joy, disbelieving and believing all at once. Her mother did not appear to actually cry, because the tears she shed were silent, wracking her insides as she warred against the conflagration of elation and despair threatening to overtake her. Maddix cried as well, boisterous wails announcing her arrival and dislike for the new, cold, bright world she now inhabited.

When the brightness of the lights had lessened, and her skin had finally adjusted to the new temperature, Maddix calmed in the arms of her father. He spoke softly to her, whispering sweet nothings about how beautiful, special, and loved she was. The voice was familiar, even though it was not the one Maddix had become accustomed to hearing through a wall of fluid and flesh. Still, it held comfort. The brand new baby felt her father's reassurance powerfully, despite not understanding the words being spoken.

_She was safe._

_She could relax._

_He was comfort._

_He would take care of her._

Peeta was completely taken with the child in his arms. He stared into her eyes, marveling at the blue. He caressed her soft hair, noticing how dark it was. He counted all of her extremities. He sighed heavily at the noises she made when he put the nipple of the bottle to her lips. Peeta couldn't believe how red her skin was, so much so that he asked a nurse if this was normal. The nurse patted his arm, assuring him it was quite normal and would fade. All the while, Maddix remained curled up into herself like she was still in the womb. (These were things that all babies did, but were rarely spoken of; the nurse, however, did not have the heart to tell the young man that the piercing blue of her eyes and dark shade of her hair were also most likely not permanent.)

One would expect that following a traumatic experience such as birth the participants involved would be allowed quiet respite. This was not the case. Nurses bustled in and out, and the birthing suite was quickly exchanged for a small room in the maternity ward. Visitors of all types that had nothing to do with the medical profession came in, the most concerning being the mother's aunt, who arrived with a social worker in tow.

It should be noted at this point that Maddix was not yet Maddix. She was still referred to as 'Baby Mellark'. The mother refused to assign the child a name, citing that Peeta could do it before tucking herself in under the covers. She only insisted that whatever name he chose, he did not choose anything related to bread. Peeta eventually stumbled upon the name Maddix and affixed it to his little girl, but before this happened she spent a full day being just 'baby'.

For the purposes of the tale at hand, though, she will not merely be referred to as 'baby'. Without a doubt, Maddix is who she is now, therefore it would be ridiculous to refer to her as anything else.

Things in the tiny room were tense at first.

The mother was agitated and in pain, while Peeta floundered to say the right thing while attending to the needs of the littlest Mellark. For the most part, taking care of Maddix was easy. He fed her every two hours and changed the subsequent diapers. Unlike her daughter though, the mother was quite difficult. Dissimilar from most new mothers, she did not want much of anything to do with her newborn. Peeta suggested that she hold the baby against her bare skin, it was not an unusual or weird request, even though the mother deemed it both. Peeta's cheeks flamed as he recalled the information that he had learned from the books he read, pushing the matter, surprising both the mother and himself.

Peeta never pushed matters with anyone, especially not the women in his life, his mother and girlfriend.

Many moments could be selected to demonstrate the slow and steady shift in Peeta, the shift that denoted his new status as father. This one in particular sticks out, because it was no longer about pleasing his girlfriend, but rather what was best for the dear child in his arms.

He persisted in trying to persuade her differently, while quoting the books he checked out from the library. The nurses agreed with him, and he even had the doctor mention the importance of the skin-to-skin contact when he made his rounds.

Peeta had become a bit of a self-taught expert on prenatal development and post natal care (well, not really an expert, but he had much more knowledge than most eighteen-year-old boys, and even some fully grown men). He related everything he knew about the importance of skin-to-skin contact for bonding and attachment purposes. Alas, it was blatantly obvious that Maddix's mother would not be swayed.

The mother's behavior was unusual, but the nurses had more concerning things to attend to, and assured him that it was possibly just a little bit of the 'baby blues' (as they exited the room they would tsk their tongues over how young she was and what a shame it was). Peeta was rapidly becoming concerned about his girlfriend's deterioration. She had no interest in holding the baby or being near her. When the baby cried it irritated the mother, and Peeta wasn't sure what to do. He tried talking to her and comforting her, but eventually the baby would cry, and he would be torn between the two.

Maddix quickly became the obvious choice.

The girl's aunt was the first in an onslaught of unexpected visitors, but before the words that were said and the hurt that was brought during her visit can be mentioned, focus should be given to those who were there to help Peeta.

There were many visitors, and they broke down into an unspoken classification really, one that could be sorted into why they were there.

Visitors like Gale and Hazelle Hawthorne were there to meet the precious baby and bring congratulations to her father. Gale was eager to hold the bundle swaddled in a bright pink blanket. He cooed and complimented, and he embraced Peeta, for the first time ever, in a quick one-armed hug, congratulating him and asking if there was anything that Peeta needed. Hazelle mirrored this sentiment as she taught Peeta her secret swaddling technique. When she hugged Peeta she wrapped both arms around him, sharing the warmth of a mother's love that he could never remember truly feeling, and told him that he had done well.

Even now, after time had dulled the memory of that embrace, it's possible that Peeta would never admit that he had been in desperate need of that hug. Hazelle was just being kind, it was something that she would do for anyone, but in that moment it was exactly what he needed.

For, when the aunt and the social worker arrived, they found the mother sleeping in bed and Peeta shirtless with the baby resting comfortably on his chest with a blanket draping them. Peeta was unable to muster a genuine greeting when the aunt introduced the social worker, seeing as he had not yet slept.

The aunt was concerned.

Concern was quite necessary given the fact that Maddix's mother wanted nothing to do with her. However, instead of assuring Peeta that it would be fine, and that they would work things out, the aunt insisted the right thing to do would be to allow Maddix to be adopted by a family that could love and care for her properly. Peeta's heart stopped and he had to remind himself to breathe. He had never once considered that they would give up his little girl.

"You aren't taking her from him," the mother finally spoke up. "It's clear that I'm not cut out for this, but Peeta will be just fine. I'll sign whatever I have to. Just don't you dare talk to him about taking the baby from him." Everyone in the room looked at her in shock; this was not something they expected from her, not even Peeta.

He was grateful, the others were stunned.

The mother had known for quite a while that this would be the only option. She did not want to be a mother. She understood that it was best for her and the child to separate, even though it made her sad. It's why she had been so distant and insistent that Peeta do everything. He did not disappoint, holding fast to the promise he made her months ago. He was there by her side, supporting her, and already doting on the tiny child she bore.

Peeta would be a wonderful father, even if she was not around to see it.

With her words, her aunt and the social worker left, with promises to return while asking that she really think about the decision she was making. It didn't matter though. The mother offered Peeta a weak attempt at a smile, "I'm sorry, Peeta. I can't do this. I'm going to college." He gripped the baby tight to his bare chest and stood to walk to her bedside, nudging her so that she would make room. The girl shifted uncomfortably on the bed and Peeta lay beside her, trading the arm in which he was holding Maddix so that he could snake it under her shoulders, bringing her close to him.

It was the closest that Maddix came to contact with her mother, as she laid her head on Peeta's chest sobbing quietly, a hand resting on the infant, but never actually making a move to hold the child. Peeta stroked her hair, but did not have words as she confessed things to him that he was not ready to hear.

She could not do it.

She did not want either of them, but she was sorry.

She knew it was selfish, and for that she would never forgive herself, but if he wanted the responsibility then she would do everything in her power to make sure that Maddix went home with him and no one else.

Peeta was hurt by her words, realizing that his dream of a family was not to be. However, he did not think the mother selfish, and told her so. He reassured her that this was much better than staying with a child she was not ready to raise. Peeta knew what it was like to be raised by a mother that clearly did not want him. He would never want that for his daughter.

Despite his reassurances to the mother, his heart was fracturing in his chest. The room felt short of air as Peeta realized that his girlfriend didn't really love him and that he would be doing this alone.

It would be an understatement to say that Peeta was terrified.

He would take the pain of doing this alone, to ensure that Maddix never felt that sad emptiness of knowing that she was a burden to the one person who should love her the most. His little girl came first, and she was loved and would be taken care of in a way that he never was.

Peeta wanted her, more than he had ever wanted anything before, and he pushed the disappointment and heartache away, not allowing himself to really feel what his heart was screaming at him to feel.

These were the occurrences that preceded the Hawthorne's visit, and ultimately what caused Peeta to break down at Hazelle's whispered reassurance. Peeta needed to hear her words to know that things would be okay, and after hearing them he felt a little better.

He felt stronger.

Peeta felt like he could face the next day when he would take his little girl home.

He and Gale needed to have a conversation first, because in all of the scenarios of what his daughter's birthday would look like, Peeta never thought he would be the one taking Maddix home. He had incorrectly assumed that his daughter would go home with her mother until he could get a place set up for all three of them.

Peeta took him into the hall and hurriedly admitted these things to Gale. He hated being away from his little girl, but knew she was safe in Hazelle's arms.

Gale was angry.

This was not unlike Gale, his first response to most things that were stressful, or involved change, was to become furious (his father had been gone for two years, and Gale was still not capable of speaking about his absence without an edge to his voice and a clench of his jaw).

He was not angry with Peeta, but with Peeta's now ex-girlfriend.

"She doesn't want her own daughter?" he spit out incredulously before Peeta reminded him of where they were. The truth of the matter being that Gale had become quite tired of parents not wanting to care for their daughters. His best friend and her sister had been practically left on their own after the car crash that claimed his and Katniss' fathers' lives. It is something that Peeta would not admit, but Gale's anger at his situation made him feel good. He wanted to get angry and curse and live his fury, yet he couldn't, so it was nice to have someone who cared enough about him to do it on his behalf.

Peeta timidly asked Gale if it was okay that he and his daughter stayed with him until they could find a place of their own.

Despite the fact that Gale had wanted a bachelor pad to get away from the noise of his mother's house, a place to relax and bring home the occasional girl, he told Peeta that he would love to have Maddix there.

And he meant it.

There was another sort of visitor, the mother's friends. They came in groups, never stayed long and spoke in hushed tones as they passed the baby from person to person. Peeta did not like this type of visitor. He did not like the pity on their faces or the way they looked at Maddix with relief, like she was a disease they had managed to avoid.

The last person to visit Maddix on that day was the one who ultimately helped Peeta name the small girl. "You can't just call her baby, Peeta! She has to have a name." At fourteen, Primrose Everdeen was much more knowledgeable about the workings of the world than most would believe.

Prim wanted nothing more than to meet tiny Maddix and was incredibly disappointed to learn that the Gale and Hazelle had gone visiting while she was at her piano lesson. Everyone had met the baby but her, and that just would not do. Prim had been prepared for the wee one's arrival for weeks, and used her chore money to buy the baby an itty bitty onesie with the words 'Daddy's Girl' embroidered on the chest.

It had been very difficult for her to keep the onesie a secret - she had almost given it to Peeta several times - but she always stopped herself, knowing that it would mean a lot more on the day of the baby's arrival.

The eldest Everdeen sister was not of the same persuasion.

She did not want to go to the hospital, she did not want to hold the baby and count all ten fingers and all ten toes, and she certainly did not want to see Peeta Mellark. It wasn't that Katniss didn't like babies - she had grown up with her sister and the Hawthorne clan so there had always been a baby in her life.

Really, it had little to do with the baby and more to do with the father.

Katniss still wasn't sure why her family had latched onto the youngest Mellark and adopted him as their own. His family had money and means, and bringing him in as part of their business just meant one more salary to fill. If Katniss were being honest with herself, which is something she really didn't want to do, she would have acknowledged that her feelings were more about the guilt she felt for choosing to leave for college.

Perhaps that is why she felt so strongly about not seeing the baby. She was worried about her role in her makeshift family being usurped by the affable blonde boy who clearly needed them more than she let on she needed them. Peeta replacing her while she was gone. Everyone already loved him and talked of him kindly. She even had to share her graduation party when his grades were only passable, at best.

He'd had his time to shine in high school with amazing feats of athletic prowess on the baseball field and wrestling mat. Having to share her graduation day with him, when she wore the valedictorian hood and he just a regular robe, was almost insulting.

Perhaps that was it, or perhaps it had more to do with the way his eyes found hers from time-to-time. Or that at one time, before he had a girlfriend, Katniss thought he was possibly interested in her, even though she wasn't sure why.

Peeta was popular, handsome, and in every way a person she knew would not be interested in her, but that hadn't stopped her from hoping. Like many other girls, Katniss had noticed Peeta's broad shoulders, brilliant blue eyes, and winning smile. He was a beautiful boy, and it appeared that his obvious good looks were only accentuated by the fact that he was a genuinely good person.

He was polite and respectful to teachers, never had a cross word to say about anyone. Peeta never picked on other students like some of his friends (not even the school pariahs who were bullied for ridiculous reasons) and he volunteered at a local soup kitchen, despite not having the grades to be in the service society (which meant that he did it because he wanted to and not to pad college applications).

Peeta Mellark was different, and even though she doubted she would ever even talk to him, let alone go on a date with him, when his eyes found hers in the crowded lunchroom she blushed.

She had banished those thoughts, though, when Gale first approached her and pleaded Peeta's case.

Gale told her that his girlfriend, _his extremely beautiful, cheerleader girlfriend,_ whom Peeta loved dearly, was pregnant. Katniss wasn't sure why her heart clenched at the thought; it wasn't as though they had spoken to one another at the time.

It hurt nonetheless.

Not only did he have a girlfriend, he had been having sex with his girlfriend.

At the time, Katniss Everdeen's feelings about sex were like many seventeen-year-old girls, she was perplexed by the act, and never having had a boyfriend (she was much too busy with school to allow for frivolous things like boys) she didn't really understand the appeal. She had never fallen victim to the hormone wash that comes with attraction and kissing and other things that happen in the back of teenagers' cars.

It hurt looking at him, and she was convinced the last thing she wanted to do was be around him and his girlfriend as they showed off their new baby. It should be mentioned that had Katniss paid attention when around Peeta and Gale she would have recognized that things between Peeta and his girlfriend were really never ideal.

Peeta was always with Gale, working.

Peeta was never on his phone texting or communicating with his girlfriend, as most enamored teens do.

Peeta never talked about the girlfriend, mostly just the baby.

The girlfriend didn't even show up at the graduation party held for Peeta and Katniss.

Prim pleaded, as baby sisters often do, she whined and begged and implored Katniss that she just _had _to see the baby. Eventually Katniss acquiesced to take Prim to the hospital, with one stipulation: that she didn't have to go up. She would drive Prim, but Prim would go up alone.

It just so happened that the tiny pink onesie Prim brought was the only item of clothing that Maddix Mellark owned. She would wear it home and then many more times, until the bright of the pink was faded and worn. Peeta would acquire many more outfits for the little girl, but there was something about the onesie that made him smile, and it was the one he put her in the most often.

The blonde teenager was awestruck by the tiny bundle, rocking her gently and patting at the downy soft dark hair on her head. "She's so precious Peeta, just perfect. The name has to be special, really befitting how wonderful she is." Peeta couldn't help but agree. His little girl was perfect, and Prim was right - she was in need of a name.

He ran through the options, and there were so many, yet one kept popping up. It really wasn't a name like he had heard before, at least not as a first name. Also, he was sure it wasn't appropriate to name a little girl after a baseball player, but he really loved the way it rolled off his tongue.

When he was much younger, Peeta and his brothers were given a dog. Peeta wanted to name the puppy Maddox after his favorite athlete, a pitcher from who had numerous awards and even a World Series win. It was not to be, though - his brothers were determined to call the dog Ace. It was one of those things where the name stuck, and Peeta assumed that he would someday give the name to a son.

It was not a little boy that Prim cradled carefully in her arms, however, it was a little girl.

Even though he had just become a father, and a man, in a matter of months, Peeta was still so unsure of himself in many ways. So when he finally found the nerve to ask Prim what she thought of the name, he was relieved when she gushed over it, telling him it was perfect.

It was unique and beautiful, Prim reassured before tucking the bundle back in Peeta's arms. She really had to be going, she explained, excusing herself because Katniss was waiting down in the car.

Peeta did not expect the mention of Katniss to have an effect on him, but it did. He suddenly wondered why she did not come up. What had he done to make her hate him? It was one of those things that made him sad. It wasn't as if he held notions that they would one day be together. Rather, he simply felt he just needed another friend, someone to rely on, and who better than Katniss Everdeen?

But this was something that would soon escape Peeta's thoughts, as he had much more important things to attend to now.

He had Maddix.

* * *

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reception for this story! I really could have never anticipated it and every single review was incredibly dear to me. A huge thank you to my betas! You can find me on tumblr (kismetff) and Ao3 (kismet4891)...Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

Change.

Change is inevitable. It is one of life's few promises; that situations and people will constantly evolve, changing from one state to another. Sometimes, change is welcomed and appreciated, ushering in new ideals, eras and splendor.

Other times, this is not the case.

Change can be frightening. It represents uncertainty and a divergence from the norm, which may be less than comfortable. This type of change may also be welcome, but often is regarded as something to be feared because it is unknown, and the unknown is almost always a terrifying prospect.

Therefore, it is not actually change that should be feared, but rather the unknown, because change is not the problem. The problem is the ambiguity of things unknown.

…

Their first night together was not indicative of what the rest of their nights together would be.

The room was illuminated and incapable of being dark in the true sense of the word. Nurses bustled in and out, providing a sense of security that if anything were to arise with the wee one, help was right outside the door.

A chair that folded out into a poor excuse of a bed was brought into the room. Peeta dozed on this makeshift bed, with his hand resting on top of his daughter's tiny back, as she slept in a bassinet beside him. His fingers were spread wide, palm easily covering her back fully, feeling for breaths as delicate as a butterfly's wing flutter.

He had nothing to fear because he knew assistance was there if he needed it. This would not be the case when he and Maddix were back at Gale's.

Paperwork was dealt with first thing in the morning, and while the mother insisted that she was ready to sign away all rights, the social worker informed her that even if she felt that way today her mind may change. The courts were cognizant of this, and thus it was made clear that even though the papers were signed that day, they would not be full and legal until six months from that date.

Peeta was not sure what to make of it all. In his head he hoped that at the end of six months she would tear the papers up and come back to her daughter. He knew that his daughter would eventually feel pain over her mother's absence, and if she were to return this could be avoided. However, in his heart he knew it was best if this was not the case. He had a mother, and her presence had brought more pain than happiness. There was also the unfortunate knowledge that it wasn't just the child his ex-girlfriend was rejecting, but him as well.

Once the distractions afforded by the bureaucracy that accompanied bringing a new person into the world ended, Peeta was faced with the reality that he was not at all prepared to take his new baby home.

Taking a newborn home for the very first time requires many things, both emotional and material. They have to be released by a physician, they have to be properly dressed for the outdoor climate, they must have sufficient transportation by means of a car seat, and there must be appropriate accommodations ready for them when they arrive at their destination.

Then there are so very many things needed for a seven-pound human.

For all his reading and preparation, he seemed to lack the correct _things_ to care for a child. He had truly believed that Maddix would go home with her mother, incorrectly assuming that he did not need to double check this. Peeta did have a crib and some diapers at his place, because he had hoped that both mother and daughter would be staying with him often. However, the things he did not have far outweighed the things he did have. Maddix did not have a car seat, or formula and bottles, or even more than the one outfit that the youngest Everdeen had brought for her.

So, after the necessary papers were signed, and things tended to at the hospital, Peeta realized that he had no way of getting his daughter home safely. He wasn't sure what he should do, so he ended up sitting with her in his arms in the front lobby of the hospital.

Peeta wanted so desperately to call his dad.

It's not that he and his dad were particularly close. Mr. Mellark had done a poor job of being there for Peeta as he was growing up, but as is often the case with sons (even sons with preoccupied, cowardly fathers), Peeta still admired his father simply for the reason that he was his dad.

More so than that, Peeta really wanted Mr. Mellark to meet his granddaughter. Despite the circumstances being rather dire, Peeta really was exceedingly proud of his little girl and wanted to share her with his father. It was not a conscious desire, but something deep down inside Peeta led him to believe that if his father met the little girl, he too would fall in love. Then, possibly, he would be interested in Peeta as well.

He did not call his dad.

He did not call anyone, because before he could call anyone Gale Hawthorne showed up, breezing through the lobby with his long, steady stride right up to Peeta like this was something they had planned. "Hey man, ready to take Itty Bitty home?" He carried an infant seat in his left hand and sat it down beside Peeta before reaching for Maddix.

Peeta stared, mouth slightly ajar as Gale took the baby from him and cradled her close, "Your uncles are ready to meet you, Itty Bitty."

"Where did this come from?" Peeta held the carrier in his hands, "Better yet, how did you know I needed it?"

"You'll have to talk to your brothers about that. I'm just the chauffeur service."

Gale knew that Peeta needed it because Hazelle had pointed it out. When visiting she noticed there was no seat in the room, as most new parents have sitting in the corner, ready for the ride home. When Gale gave her the news that Peeta was now a single father, she clucked her tongue and proclaimed that this just would not do.

Hazelle wanted to call Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, truly believing that if she were to enlighten them with this news they would surely run to Peeta's aid. Hazelle was not familiar with how things in the Mellark household went, and she did not realize this was not a good plan. Gale knew, however, because he had been friends with the middle Mellark since high school, and he was well aware.

Painfully aware that Mrs. Mellark would offer no assistance, and Mr. Mellark would side with his wife.

When Gale related this to Hazelle, she couldn't stop from enveloping her eldest in a hug, promising him that while she was not ready to be a grandmother, if Gale found himself where Peeta was, she would be beside him the entire way. These were unnecessary words, for Gale knew the depth of his mother's devotion, but that didn't mean he didn't appreciate hearing them.

Gale was at the bakery early, not as early as the men inside, but early nonetheless.

In his hand he held his phone with a picture of Maddix that he showed the men while saying things like "She's quite lovely, you see?" and "It's just Peeta and the baby now, he could really use you guys." As well as other phrases intended to show the Mellark men just what they were missing out on. While it was impossible to prevent his voice from carrying a certain edge, Gale did his best to relate in so many words that Peeta's family should really be there for them.

One brother asked if Peeta was certain the child was his because the hair was so dark. The other brother added that the eyes were certainly the right shade of Mellark blue. Neither new uncle seemed particularly expressive, nor was this unusual. When a person is raised in a tumultuous environment he learns at a very young age that being expressive or emotional is a weakness the aggressor can use against him.

Therefore, when considering the Mellark brothers, they should not be treated with indignation for their supposed indifference. Indifference was a necessary survival technique to be mastered, and while his brothers were quite practiced at it, Peeta never quite managed to perfect the illusion.

Mr. Mellark did not say a word. He cradled Gale's phone in his hands, pushing the home button at least ten times to keep the photo in view, but he did not breathe one syllable. Worth mentioning, though, is the fact that his eyes became misty, and he retreated to the cash register to pull a significant amount of money from the till, which he pressed into one of his son's palms.

This was to be the extent of Mr. Mellark's involvement with his first grandchild until later in Maddix's life.

Peeta refused Gale's offer to drive him and his brand new daughter home. He insisted he would do it, but he appreciated the offer. This would be the first of many times that Peeta refused help.

Pulling into the drive and realizing that his brother's car was in the street was a surprise. Walking into the house and finding not one, but both brothers in the living room waiting to meet Maddix was more than Peeta ever would have hoped for. He was excited to see them, and thanked them for the car seat, insisting that they didn't have to do it.

Both men took turns holding their niece. They were awkward and unpracticed, and it showed. If she so much as made a noise they would quickly pass her back to Peeta, who was already quite comfortable holding his little girl. They stayed longer than they had intended, and promised to visit again soon (one brother would hold to this, the other would not visit as often as uncles should visit their nieces).

As they left, money was given to Peeta as they told him that it was from his father. He would not believe this until Gale confirmed it to be true.

Shortly thereafter two other visitors appeared at the door.

Hazelle and Prim came bearing several pans of food, instructing Gale to make sure that Peeta ate, and affirming that the food that had been intended for Peeta, not Gale. This was all good natured teasing, and it made Hazelle feel much better when she saw the smile that came freely to Peeta's lips when he heard the ribbing.

Then Peeta learned what it was really like to care for an infant without the assistance of nurses and the comfort of a hospital room. Had he realized how difficult it would be, and how exhausted he would become, then he never would have left the confines of the hospital. This is a sentiment held by most new parents, even those that have a partner to help them with caregiving, or extended family lining up around the street to be part of the new addition's life.

The feedings every two hours suddenly became a lot more difficult when the ready mix formula that the hospital provided, complete with disposable nipples and bottles, ran out. Peeta found that the extra five minutes it took for him to prepare the bottle and heat it, was really much too long for Maddix most of the time. She would wail painfully and then have trouble settling when the bottle was put to her lips.

Then there was the matter of the constant laundry (for both him and the baby, because when spit up happened it happened everywhere) and the cleaning and sterilizing of baby bottles.

There were diapers, too. Lots of diapers.

Of all the things there seemed to be an abundance of - diapers, feedings, and laundry - there was an extreme lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation became Peeta's constant companion, and by the third day he could barely stand, let alone function.

So, when the baby cried, and she cried a lot, he found that his tense shoulders and debilitating exhaustion left him unable to provide comfort to the agitated child. It wasn't that he didn't try. No, it was not for lack of trying that Peeta could not calm Maddix. The infant could sense the fatigue of her father, his anxiety and fears exacerbated by his lack of sleep to the point that he was a bundle of nerves, and because of this, his little girl was, too.

The three days that Peeta had been occupied with caring for his little girl were a welcome change of pace for Katniss Everdeen. She was suddenly needed again with Everthorne Lawn and Landscaping for more than just bookkeeping.

She expected to resume mowing lawns and the physical work that she so enjoyed.

Katniss jumped into Gale's truck that morning, excited at the prospect of the day of hard work ahead. She was in for a surprise, because the day ahead would hold hard work of another kind.

There were many things that Katniss would have rather been doing. She was _supposed_ to be helping Gale get a stump out of a client's backyard. Until Gale realized that he had forgotten something at his house. It wasn't an important something, in fact the something that she had been sent to retrieve was a pair of ear buds.

Katniss wasn't an idiot.

She knew sending her to go get something as little as ear buds was Gale's way of getting her out of his hair. She had been absent from day-to-day jobs of Everthorne Lawn and Landscaping since Peeta had come on, working on coursework and diligently keeping the books. Katniss missed the sweat and hard work that came with the job, but needed time to really focus on her schoolwork. Peeta's sudden presence was a blessing in disguise, but that didn't mean that Katniss had to admit it. He was a hard worker, and his ability to win clientele and keep them meant that his efforts easily paid his salary and more. However, now that graduation had passed, and college still two months away, she found herself with little to do.

When she pulled the truck into Gale's driveway she consciously hoped that Peeta would not be home, although she was at a loss as to where she thought he would be.

It was just him and his daughter, and with her just days old she wasn't sure where they would go, but it didn't stop her from hoping. She knocked at the door, and after waiting awhile and hearing the wailing baby through the door, she let herself in. Peeta was obviously too busy to be bothered with opening the door and she just hoped she could sneak in and out of Gale's room without being noticed. As she walked down the hallway the crying baby got much louder, but she soon realized there was someone else crying, too.

Katniss quickly located the ear buds and tucked them in her pocket, listening to the cacophony of cries emanating from the room across the hall. _What should I do? Do I do anything?_ She wondered to herself. She contemplated calling Gale, but talked herself out of it. Katniss was leaving when she realized that not only was Peeta crying, he was talking. She could make out the words, "I'm sorry." Being chanted like a mantra.

Katniss didn't really want to involve herself, but her feet turned and she stood in front of his door. She realized that no matter what her personal feelings about Peeta Mellark were, she couldn't leave without offering help (if she were truly honest with herself she would have realized that perhaps her inability to leave without offering help wasn't despite her feelings about Peeta Mellark, but rather because of her feelings for Peeta Mellark ).

Peeta was slumped over against the wall, Maddix clutched to his chest, both were crying. His eyes widened as he realized who had walked through the door, but he was too exhausted and frustrated to feign embarrassment.

"Peeta? Hey, it's Katniss." She approached slowly, hands out, intent clear. "Here, let me hold her."

Tears had long since stopped falling from Peeta's eyes, but his chest still heaved painfully, "S-s-s-she's not hungry, her diaper is dry, b-b-but she won't stop crying."

"You need some rest. Let me take her, okay?" Katniss held her hands out in front of her, not wanting to take the baby from him, rather have him hand the child to her, "You can go shower and get some sleep, I've got her."

Peeta stared up at Katniss through swollen, red rimmed eyes. "S'okay, I got it," his eyes darting between her outstretched arms and the irate infant in his arms.

"Don't be ridiculous. It's obvious you are having a dramatic moment, and that's all well, except you are terrifying the child." Katniss's comment was not meant to be biting or make Peeta feel any worse than he already did, but it stung a bit. He was upset because he was trying so hard, but failing (he was not actually failing in the eyes of anyone who has had sufficient sleep). Peeta just did not necessarily understand how sensitive infants are to the feelings and emotions of others. Maddix was simply feeding off of him and his very obvious distress. Her words resonated with Peeta and he handed the screaming child to Katniss, who held her tight and began to sway back and forth, "Where is the rocker?"

He looked up at her confused, making it obvious to Katniss that he did not have a rocker. It is also possible that he was staring at her, trying to decide if she was actually there. She reminded him once again that she could be trusted with his most precious possession, before leaving the room while letting him know they would be rocking on the porch.

It should be noted that despite what Peeta would have you believe as he retells this tale in the present, the small infant did not immediately quiet in Katniss's arms. She was much too upset and agitated for that.

Instead, her calming was a gradual process that first started with recognizing how relaxed and at ease Katniss was. Then her breathing began to slow to match that of the girl holding her. The rocking helped too, but what made the biggest difference was the soothing balm of Katniss's singing voice as she hummed quiet lullabies to the child, who was affected by the melodic lull of her voice (similar to the effect it had once had on the Maddix's father).

The baby drifted into a deep sleep in Katniss's arms, and she went back inside the house to find Peeta passed out on the couch, snoring loudly. She did not leave, though. She called Hazelle and filled her in on what had transpired, and text messaged Gale telling him that she would not be back until Peeta woke.

Then, Katniss Everdeen washed baby bottles, tiny onesies, and spittle-stained t-shirts until Maddix woke up. It was not a huge crying fit, just a few squeaks, and Katniss was there at her crib to raise her from the mattress and hold her close, whispering assurances and promises of a feeding.

The infant ate, cradled in the raven-haired girl's arms, enjoying the songs that were sung to her and the nuances of a new face to gaze upon. Then they went outside and rocked, and they simply existed together while the new father rested.

Eventually, Gale came home and found Katniss folding the daughter and father's laundry with the baby resting on a blanket on the floor beside her. Katniss gave him the entire run down on what had transpired, and Gale let her know that Peeta had been refusing any help. It was obvious to both of them that this would no longer be the case, although Katniss pleaded that her involvement not be made known to Peeta.

At some point Hazelle made her way over with some sandwiches for the kids and a proposition for Peeta. She proposed that when he was ready to return to work she would watch Itty Bitty (Gale's nickname for Maddix had already begun to stick) for much less than what local day cares would expect. This was a blessing in the best sort of way because the care that Hazelle could offer Maddix far exceeded that of a day care worker who had several babies in her charge, instead of just one.

Peeta slept through it all, logging hours of rest that his body desperately needed.

When he woke to twilight streaking the sky he was perturbed that he had not awoken sooner, but also relieved that he felt rested and relaxed. He found the Hawthornes, Katniss, and Maddix on the front porch.

"My baby girl," Peeta cooed at the child in the arms of the girl he once longed to speak with, "are you having fun with Katniss?"

Maddix turned her head towards Peeta's voice, while Katniss ducked her head as an involuntary blush crept over her cheeks. She had never heard her name come from Peeta's mouth, and it made her stomach jump nervously in an unwelcome feeling. She stood, passing the child off to her father, and made to leave.

"Hey, Katniss," Peeta's voice followed her, causing her cheeks to flush once again unbidden. She knew that she should turn and face him, but she was suddenly aware of how blue his eyes were, and how his voice caused her face to redden. "Thank you!" he called out, realizing she wasn't going to turn around.

Katniss threw a hand up in the air and waved him off. "It's no problem," she responded without fully turning around to face him.

It really was no problem. Katniss did not mind children, and the baby was quite sweet once settled. She didn't mind helping him, she realized, all the while wondering where in the world the little girl's mother was.

Peeta smiled and tucked Maddix into his arms as they watched Katniss drive off. He wasn't sure why she stayed to help him, and while he was a bit ashamed that he had needed the help so desperately, it didn't feel as hard to accept it from Katniss. Plus, if she had helped him then she must not hate him like he thought, right?

This single event caused a shift in Katniss, and it wasn't a subtle one. No, this shift would be considered significant. Peeta was now someone she felt the need to watch over. That didn't mean she would be friends or even acquaintances with him. She wasn't interested in that, because of the ambiguity of the feelings she sometimes seemed to have for him. It was more like Katniss realized that Peeta needed people in his life looking out for him, even if from afar.

A week later, Katniss would encounter Peeta's ex-girlfriend at a typical teenage party at the lake.

Maddix's mother would be smiling, flirting and appearing to have a genuinely good time, until Katniss intentionally slammed into her, spilling beer all over the her back. The two teenagers would appear to exchange words, though neither would admit what was said, and the dark-haired girl would walk away smirking, while the other would appear quite unsettled from the exchange.

It was passive aggressive and quite petty, but Katniss was incensed at the sight of her laughing and having a good time while Peeta was drowning in the responsibilities of infant care. The ex-girlfriend soon left, and truth be told it was for the best, because the more cups of keg beer Katniss consumed the more she ruminated on Peeta and his predicament.

She couldn't understand why he was alone. People like Peeta Mellark didn't do anything to deserve such a burden. She wanted to help, but there was no way she was going to willingly be around him, or allow him to realize that she didn't hate him. Katniss liked the fact that people thought her quiet nature was because she was bitchy. It ensured that she didn't have to deal with all expectations of niceties that accompanied having close friendships.

Katniss knew exactly how to help without having to come face-to-face with Peeta.

Peeta returned home from an especially long day in the hot sun, Maddix swinging happily from his arm in her carrier, to find a rocking chair in the corner of his room. Something deep inside Peeta told him where the rocker came from. It was not brand new, most likely from a thrift store, but it was a lovely chair.

Peeta no longer entertained big ideas of romance (he quite intuitively recognized that his days of wooing girls were over when he first lost himself in Maddix's eyes). His resulting happiness over finding the chair, was more about finding reassurance that someone actually cared about his success as a father and wanted to assist him. There was no note, or bow, or anything else to let him know that it was from her, but it was without a doubt the best gift that he had ever received, because it was his first indicator that she cared.

Katniss Everdeen cared.

* * *

"_You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find…_

_You get what you need."_

The Rolling Stones_, You Can't Always Get What You Want_

* * *

**A/N: I appreciate and thank you guys for all of your reviews, including your comments and input about the name. I have addressed the name issue in my profile. I will not be changing it.**

**Thank you so much to katnissinme and Wildharp for their hard work! They put so much time into this story and I'm pretty sure it would be unintelligible without their help. Also, thank you for all the love and support on tumblr. I don't think I could do it without you guys! Much love!**


	4. Chapter 4

Human beings are not naturally solitary creatures.

Dependency on one another is an integral part of life, companionship and shared experience providing a rich sustenance that ensures emotional well-being and happiness.

There is, however, a noted difference between companionship and connection versus merely being in close proximity. While proximity is important, the actual nature of the relationship is what truly brings meaning to the encounter.

Therefore, someone who is physically distant but remains connected to other people even though they are not always immediately nearby can thrive.

While someone who is surrounded by individuals in their immediate vicinity can feel more alone than the person who is physically isolated.

**…**

The first two months of a newborn's life are filled with highs and lows.

Peeta's time with Maddix was no different than anyone else who had ever brought a baby home. There were late night feedings, early morning diapers, mysterious rashes, unexplained crying fits and most importantly, moments of inexplicable happiness that left his heart full and a gigantic smile on his face.

Little Maddix was no longer curled into herself, and her skin had lost the wrinkly redness of a newborn's. Her cheeks were filling out, her neck was strengthening, and she was starting to become more proactive in exploring the world around her. Every day brought a new change in the tiny child, and to Peeta's amazement her growth seemed to unfurl before his eyes.

Right around the eight-week mark, Peeta woke to find his little girl lying on her stomach. At first he was alarmed; he was sure he put her on her back that night, as he did every night. He took instruction very seriously, and in the hospital he had been given a pamphlet on SIDS and the 'Back to Sleep' movement. So it was perfectly natural when he found his little girl on her stomach he was briefly, though unnecessarily, terrified.

Then the reality of what had happened dawned on Peeta - Maddix had mastered a new skill, she had rolled over all by herself.

He was incredibly proud and wanted nothing more than to see her complete this developmental task first-hand. Peeta snapped a photo of her on her stomach, and then set about getting ready for the day. When he and Maddix were completely prepared, he laid a blanket on the living room floor and placed her there on her back while they waited for Gale to emerge so they could drop her off at Hazelle's before a long day of mowing lawns in the hot sun.

Peeta caught her eye with a sparkly toy and then tried to coax her into rolling to one side or the other to no avail. Eventually Gale joined him, trying anything and everything to entice her to roll over. They gave up when it became obvious that they would be late to work before she rolled over again.

Hazelle nodded excitedly at the news of Itty Bitty's newest accomplishment and promised Peeta that not only would she keep an eye out for it, she would try to catch it on video should the opportunity present itself. Gale and Peeta quickly excused themselves, and Hazelle held the little one at the window, waving her tiny hand toward the work truck that was pulling away.

"Why didn't you just tell him that she's been rolling over for a week now?" Katniss's question caused the older woman to turn and face her with a knowing look on her face. "I mean, she did it twice last week when she was sleeping, and several other times when Prim and Posy were playing with her on the floor."

Hazelle passed the infant off into the younger woman's arms. "Because, Katniss, it's important for him to experience these types of things with her first. You'll understand someday." Katniss looked at her with a puzzled expression. She wasn't entirely sure what the big deal was but she trusted Hazelle, so when she said that it was, Katniss dropped it. It wasn't like she was going to tell Peeta anyway, because telling Peeta would require talking to Peeta - something she avoided doing.

It was another week before Peeta got to witness his little girl roll over without aid, and even then he almost missed it. Gale was sitting with Itty Bitty while Peeta showered, when he watched her roll from back to stomach. He called for Peeta who came running, wrapped in nothing but a towel and watched as she rolled over again. Peeta and Gale made a big fuss, loudly exclaiming how proud of her they were and Gale's booming laugh startled the wee one, so instead of enjoying the fact that she had rolled over all by herself she started to cry and needed comforting.

While there were highs and lows, it was nothing of a dramatic sort that some experience. Peeta's little girl was really a very content child. She had her moments of course, as most babies do, and there were times that Peeta feared for her, as most parents do.

There was an incident with a fever, which was not so much an incident as a simple temperature hike that sometimes accompanies immunizations. It was hard enough for Peeta to watch as a nurse plunged needles that seemed entirely too large for her tiny legs into her thighs; even harder for him to stomach was listening to Maddix wail in pain. Her tiny mouth opened as wide as it could, her deep red gums extremely visible as she protested the burning pain in her legs. Peeta cried too, just a small smattering of tears on his cheeks, but enough for the nurses to offer assurances and pat him softly on the shoulder as they put brightly colored bandages over the little one's injection sites.

Hours later, when Peeta was beginning to relax and felt that the incident was far behind them, he noticed that it wasn't only her thin legs that felt warm, but also her head… and back…and chest. He wasn't quite sure what to do. Peeta was positive Maddix had a fever, but he was without a thermometer to check (just another of the many things needed for an infant that Peeta did not have).

Even though he would have hated asking for help, Peeta would have relented and sent Gale to locate a thermometer. Alas, Gale was out. So, Peeta loaded little Maddix up into his car and drove her to Hazelle. What else was he to do? He wanted to take her to the Emergency Room, but something inside him said that there was no need for that yet.

Hazelle immediately knew what the issue was as she pulled Maddix from her car seat. "Her shots were today, weren't they?" She asked as she undressed the baby, who fussed when the older woman's hands came into contact with her tender thighs.

"I've never heard her scream so loud," Peeta admitted as he watched Hazelle run soothing hands over his little girl's body and then pull her tight to her chest. "Should I take her to the doctor?"

The older woman smiled in response to Peeta's concern. "I don't think that is necessary right now. Let's check her temperature, and if it's high enough then we take her, but this feels like a low grade temperature to me. If we undress her and give her a cool bath her discomfort should be eased some."

Peeta wondered to himself how Hazelle could just know what Maddix's temperature was merely from feel. That seemed like an important and unusual talent to have, and he couldn't remember his mother ever doing anything like that.

Mrs. Mellark would stuff the thermometer in his and his brothers' mouths, then insist that they sit still and keep their mouth shut. By contrast, Hazelle caressed his little girl's arms and spoke to her in hushed tones while running a temporal thermometer across her forehead, effectively taking her temperature. It was, as she had suggested, a low grade fever, not much higher than normal and nothing worth alarm.

They bathed her in tepid water and then fed her. When Peeta went to load her in the car seat, Hazelle offered Gale's old room if Peeta would like it. She thought he may want to stay - perhaps it would ease the nerves that his daughter's fever had induced in him. Peeta reassured her that it was unnecessary, but he appreciated the offer, which he did. He greatly appreciated the offer to help, but he wanted to care for the child himself.

In the morning light, his concern seemed a bit embarrassing to him. Maddix was fine. He woke to her hungry cries, and the wee one sucked at her morning bottle ravenously, with no trace of fever or discomfort present.

Having Hazelle's assistance was in many ways a life line for Peeta, but really he craved the interest of his parents, specifically his father. However, when Mr. Mellark finally called Peeta and requested to meet his little granddaughter, Peeta found himself hesitant to trust his father's intentions. It was unexpected, and very unlike his father to initiate contact. A part of Peeta feared that there was an ulterior motive to his father's interest, even though he had been hoping for his involvement since Maddix's birth.

Gale could tell that Peeta was nervous. The blonde man had fussed over their shared living space, making sure that it was clean and tidy, and then paced the floor back and forth in front of the living room window, glancing through the curtains to peer down the street. Gale offered to stay - his plans weren't that important anyway, he assured Peeta - thinking that his presence may put Peeta at ease. Peeta refused the offer, but thanked him anyway, waving him off to enjoy an evening with friends.

When he arrived, Mr. Mellark carried a gigantic pink unicorn in his arms. It was large and there was no way that Maddix would even pay any attention to it until she was much older, but Peeta reminded himself that it was the thought that counted. Itty Bitty was tucked in her father's arms, so the two men, father and son, embraced awkwardly around the small bundle. Both men shuffled their feet, trying to think of what to say, and the moment was rapidly deteriorating into a clumsy, bumbling mess.

Finally, Peeta's father reached for the baby and asked if he could hold the child. To her credit, Maddix blinked up at her grandfather and made funny faces as she grimaced while she worked through a gas bubble deep in her stomach. Mr. Mellark was immediately enchanted with the precious child and he sat down on the couch, resting her against his legs as he examined her teeny hands and feet.

"Son, you've done well. She's such a precious little thing." With these words, Peeta swallowed hard, trying to rid his throat of the lump forming there. When his father looked up to meet his eyes, his only response was to nod his thanks.

Mr. Mellark stayed much later than he had planned, holding the wee one and giving her a bottle. He even insisted on changing a tiny diaper, marveling at how the diapers had changed so much since Peeta was little, and regaling his son with stories of what he was like as an infant. Turns out Peeta was much like Maddix, content and happy to be in the presence of others.

When the time came for Mr. Mellark to leave, he pressed kisses to the infant's tiny face. The little one had long ago fallen asleep, and her grandfather had been holding her for the last ten minutes, just watching as miniscule breaths filled her lungs. He placed the beloved child back into her father's arms and then he broke. Large tears fell from the older man's eyes. He was ashamed at his behavior, both recently and for the years preceding Peeta's banishment from his home. He begged Peeta to come back to the bakery, and they would work on his mother together. Surely, if she saw little Maddix, she would not be able to turn them away he justified through tears.

Peeta declined, though it was hard for him to keep a straight face. He wanted so desperately to be angry with his father, the man who waited too long to show an interest in him. But as he listened to his father's broken sobs, he knew that he would not be able to harbor animosity for long. In a last effort, a failing effort, to persuade Peeta that he was truly sorry, Mr. Mellark attempted to press money into Peeta's hand.

It wasn't that Peeta couldn't use the money, in fact, he could have really used the money. It was the pride he had in himself for being able to do it alone. He alone was providing for Maddix and that felt good, so he politely declined the money and entertained his father's promises to visit again soon. Being financially capable, and providing for his little girl was one of the only things about being alone that he liked. Peeta liked that he was taking care of everything for Maddix, it was a fact that he was quite proud of, that he alone made sure that she had everything she needed.

Aside from Gale and his new surrogate family, Peeta was indeed alone. His friends from high school had moved on with their lives, and did not have time (or simply did not want to make time) for a young, single father. This fact, the fact that Peeta was without many friends, bothered Gale. It wasn't that Gale wasn't proud of Peeta, or that he did not understand Peeta's enthusiasm for his precious child, really it was more about the fact that he worried about Peeta taking time to enjoy himself. Being alone was fine and all, but surely his blonde friend could use the company of someone aside from himself or his family. Thus, he took it upon himself to ensure that Peeta maintained the friendships he had before Maddix's birth as well as made some new ones- or, at least he tried to do so.

A few weeks after Mr. Mellark's visit, Gale broached the subject of having Peeta accompany him out for a night with the guys. Hazelle was in on it, insisting that she would love to take care of Itty Bitty while promising that everything would be okay and that even the most dutiful parents sometimes needed to take a break for themselves.

Peeta did not like this idea. He liked being with Maddix, and he felt like he didn't get to see her enough during the day now that the heat was spiking and people were more inclined to hire someone else to tend to their yard work. The money was good, he couldn't pass that up; he could however pass up a night away from his little girl.

They were in the truck headed to the Hawthorne's to pick up Itty Bitty when Gale brought it up again. "I don't know Gale, you know I hate being away from her." Peeta's response was tinged with exasperation, enough so that the raven-haired man realized he was wearing Peeta down.

"She'll be with my mom, Peeta. It'll be good for you to get out," Gale smirked. He felt bad leaving Peeta alone a few nights a week, and he really felt that his friend could use a break. There was nothing wrong with getting out and meeting new people he insisted.

Gale's insistence that meeting new people was a good thing did not sit well with Peeta. "I'm not interested in meeting anyone, Gale. You know that." He had misinterpreted Gale's words to mean that his friend thought he should meet a girl, but Peeta only had room in his life for one girl, and that little girl was perfect.

His friend's dark grey eyes rolled at Peeta's insinuation. "I know, Peeta, Itty Bitty is all you need. But it's just going to be the guys. Your brother is going to be there, and we even scored some beer. It'll be fun." A night of beer and video games did sound fun, but Peeta couldn't shake the feeling that his nights were supposed to be filled with diaper changes and lullabies.

Peeta eventually agreed though, and soon the night came. He tried every excuse he could muster, but Hazelle just hushed him and said that Itty Bitty, Posy, and she were going to have a girls' night.

The pizza was hot, the beer was cold, and the video game was a loud, jarring, war multi-player that instantly pulled Gale in. Peeta tried, he really did, but all he could think about was how he should be home with Itty Bitty giving her a bath or singing her songs.

Peeta refused a beer, seeing as he really had no intention of staying long, and tried to engage in what all the other guys were doing. He was distracted and could not focus. Peeta pulled his phone out, checking the time and seeing if he had any messages, before finally he left. His life was different now; it wasn't a bad different, he was just different and that was more than okay with him.

However, it was this night that made Peeta realize just how different he was from Gale and that their living arrangement, while beneficial for Peeta and Maddix, may not be the best fit for his dear friend.

Thus, the fruitless apartment search began.

While Peeta was doing well by his standards, landlords were less than impressed with his income, lack of credit, and age. He didn't even bother mentioning his tiny roommate because he wasn't completely sure if her presence would help or hinder the process and he felt it best to keep that information to himself until he had at least made it past the application step.

He rarely made it past the initial application process for the places that he felt were the standard in which his little girl should be living. It just so happened that the places that cared less about credit and more about whether or not a renter could pay cash up front were less likely to be the type of place that Peeta cared to move his sweet daughter into.

Peeta did not speak one word to Gale about his search, not because he was afraid that Gale would be mad, in fact it was the opposite. He feared that if Gale knew he was looking for somewhere else to live then he would push them out before they were ready, before they had found the perfect place to call home.

Fate, as it often does, intervened much like it had with the ultrasound photo and Mrs. Mellark. Gale found a marked up classified section of the paper. "Hey man, what's this about?" he asked one evening, tossing the paper down in front of Peeta's feet that were propped up on the coffee table. It should be noted that there was an edge to Gale's voice, not because he was angry, but because he didn't understand. He feared that he had unintentionally pissed Peeta off or done something to upset the blonde man. Typically, any emotion that Gale felt - anger, sorrow, confusion, embarrassment - was expressed with a discernible edge in his voice. This was just how he operated.

"I've been looking for a place so me and the kiddo can get out of your hair." Peeta noticed the unease in Gale's voice and feared that he had made an error in judgment by not saying something to Gale at first.

Gale's face was set in a scowl, "There's no need for that." His response came out gruffer than he intended, and he hoped that Peeta knew him well enough to understand not to take it personally. "Itty Bity's not a problem at all, her dad on the other hand, now that guy is a real tool." Gale quipped, settling the unease in the air with a bad joke.

Peeta smiled in response, "It's not that I don't appreciate everything that you and your family have done for us, Gale. I do. It's just…I feel like such a burden, you know?"

"Nope. I refuse to hear any of that pity party bullshit." His thick shoulders shrugged indifferently, "Look, I want Itty Bitty and you here. Besides, if you move I have to find another roommate and I doubt I can find one that cleans up after himself like you do."

Gale's words made sense to Peeta, but he still felt like he was being placated, and he was unsure how Gale could deny the obvious burden that he and his daughter had been on him. The dark-haired man noticed Peeta's reluctance, so he spoke a language that he knew Peeta would understand, money. "Besides, it's better for the business having you here. You know, for scheduling and shit."

The blonde man stared at him, considering what he said, and before he could respond Gale leaned down and took the infant from Peeta's arms. "Plus, I like having my Itty Bitty here to keep me entertained." He cooed at Maddix who focused her bright blue eyes on his nose, causing them to cross.

From that day forward, it was like a weight had been lifted from Peeta's shoulders. Gale's insistence that it was better for the business and ease with his little girl was enough to make him feel like less of a burden. However he still couldn't quite believe that Gale really enjoyed his presence, and that the living situation was just as advantageous for him as it was for the two Mellarks he was sheltering.

Having not grown up in a functional loving family often put Peeta at a disadvantage to understanding that taking care of one another was simply what families did. Even if he did not set out to become one, Peeta (and now Maddix) had become an honorary Hawthorne, so when Gale said that he wanted them there he meant it. Despite it being difficult for Peeta to understand how the arrangement was beneficial for both parties, he appreciated living with Gale, more than he would ever be able to articulate.

Toward the end of the summer, a big thing happened in Peeta's surrogate family. Despite the fact that he was not there to witness the actual moment, he heard about it plenty in the weeks preceding and following the event. Katniss Everdeen was going to college, and not the local community college; she was attending a university two hours away from their hometown.

The day that Katniss left for college was one filled with tears. Hazelle cried, Prim cried, her mother even managed to shed a few tears, but Katniss herself did not cry. Gale even acted stoically, leaning down to pull her into a hug. "Katniss, remember, I'm here if you need anything." Her dark-haired best friend even pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and encouraged her to text him when she got there before slapping the hood of her truck twice and excusing himself, claiming that he needed to get back to Peeta and the yard he had left him working on.

One-by-one the three youngest Hawthornes gave her hugs and well wishes before Prim gave her another hug and pressed a box that Katniss had not packed into her hands. "Take it," her sweet, blonde sister whispered. "Take it and think of us when times get tough." The box was filled with photos and trinkets and everything meaningful to the youngest Everdeen.

Itty Bitty was the last one that Katniss said goodbye to. Over the last two months, Katniss had come to really enjoy her time with Maddix. In the mornings, she would join the Hawthornes for breakfast, with the intent of doing bookkeeping and things of that nature. Often she would find herself with Itty Bitty, whether on a blanket beside Katniss while she worked, or held tight to her chest as she caught up on emails and other things. She enjoyed the presence of the tiny child, and didn't mind offering Hazelle help with her, especially when Peeta was helping the business bloom.

Gale and Peeta would come for lunch, many times taking Katniss back out with them to finish their afternoon jobs. All-and-all it was a good arrangement, and it would take a while for Everthorne Lawn and Landscaping to find a new rhythm when Katniss left for school. They would miss how quickly she could get the bookkeeping done, and that extra set of hands on difficult jobs. And Katniss? Katniss would miss her quiet interactions with the sweet infant, who would coo and gurgle when sung to, and was always calm and relaxed when Katniss was around.

The boxes she brought were few, and for the most part remained unpacked, but she joined the rest of the freshmen in the common area. Katniss was overwhelmed and thrilled at the thought that no one in the room knew her. So far, she had been unimpressed with her roommate, a thin girl with curling hair and an obvious affection for fake eyelashes, but she wasn't concerned. She had put up with her mother and her erratic mood swings since her father died, she could handle this.

"Is anyone sitting here?" The clear, masculine voice startled her from her thoughts, and Katniss shook her head 'no' at the guy towering over her. He was tall and lean, with thick brown hair and lovely hazel eyes. Instinctively her arms wrapped around her chest; boys either pissed her off or made her nervous, especially good-looking ones. This one made her nervous as he smiled down at Katniss and introduced himself.

Later, when she pulled her new comforter over her shoulders while trying to settle in for the night, she thought to herself that this wasn't going to be so bad at all, especially when she had already made a handsome new friend.

Katniss leaving for college really had no effect on Peeta, aside from the impact on work. He was happy being a daddy, and while he enjoyed her company, they rarely spoke unless they had to, and even then it was often awkward between them. For the first few weeks, Gale was preoccupied and obviously missing his best friend, while Peeta became preoccupied with something and someone entirely different.

It had been two months.

Sixty-one days had passed since the last time he had seen Maddix's mother. She had not called, or emailed, or even sent a text message. They were still friends on social media, and Peeta had published photos of his little girl, knowing that her mother could see them, and hoping that possibly her adorable chubby cheeks and rapidly disappearing hair would garner a bit of interest in her.

It hadn't though, and now Peeta remembered what she had said - she would be attending college, which was fine and all, but didn't she at least want to come and say goodbye to Maddix? Peeta failed to realize that this sentiment was odd, seeing as how she hadn't even wanted to say hello to the child. The heart wants what the heart wants though, and Peeta's heart wanted his daughter's mother to care about her.

The pictures that he saw of her on her page and others depicted a smiling, carefree person that he felt he had never truly known. There were all sorts of photos of her with her friends, and even a few of her kissing a guy that Peeta had played baseball with, but the new guy in her life didn't disturb Peeta as much as the expression that she wore on her face. In all the months they spent together, even those before the burden of pregnancy had worn her down, he could not recall seeing her look so relaxed and happy.

_Did it matter?_

_Should it matter?_

_Did she think of him and Maddix?_

_Should he call her?_

He settled on a text message instead, a simple one without text, just a video. It was his favorite so far, it was from the morning he had first heard his little girl's voice. Not a scream, or a whimper, or a cry of hunger, but Maddix's real voice as she cooed at him after her morning bottle. Knowing that Gale was down the hall, getting ready for the day, Peeta called to him and asked him to video the moment.

The clip was short, not even a minute, but the adoration in Peeta's voice was palpable as it opened with Maddix and Peeta sitting in a second-hand rocking chair, sun streaming through the window. His voice, clear but lilting higher than his normal speaking voice, "There's my little girl, there's my baby, and her belly is so full, isn't it?" Then, clearly and quite adorably so, the little one's mouth opens wide and she gurgles playfully in response to her father's cue.

The moment is one that would enamor the hearts of most. However, Peeta never got so much as a 'thanks,' or a 'she's so big,' or even a 'why did you send me this?' from his ex-girlfriend. That hurt, even though it shouldn't. He was perplexed as to how she could not have been moved by the video. It was the most endearing thing that he had ever seen. Hazelle agreed, and after Peeta showed it to her she had promised that she would soon elicit a gurgling smile from Maddix as well. While Hazelle and Prim and even Gale's interest meant so much to Peeta, he still found himself wanting the interest of the one woman he would not receive it from.

In many ways it felt as if he had spent his entire life seeking the approval of a woman who would never give it to him; he simply transferred his desire for approval from one woman in his life to another. Peeta tried desperately to push it from his mind; he didn't want to desire her approval, and in many ways he told himself that he wanted it purely for Maddix's benefit.

That wasn't entirely the case though. No, he was fixated on the fact that despite having a wonderful support group in his new-found surrogate family, he still felt alone in all of this. The one person who should have been his partner, even if only in parenting their little girl, was not interested in her.

He wasn't alone, but Peeta Mellark had never felt more lonely. This was not for lack of trying on the part of the Hawthornes. It was as if Peeta was not quite ready to accept that those he had expected to receive support from were not there for him. He was mourning the loss of connections he never really had instead of celebrating the ones that he had unexpectedly made.

Eventually he would recognize his surrogate family for what they were to him, but for the time being Peeta reminded himself that Maddix was his family now and he would never be alone again. This was a comforting thought that prevented him from lingering too long on circumstances that he was unable to change.

His little girl was enough to keep those thoughts at bay.

* * *

"_But you didn't have cut me off. Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing. I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough."_

Goyte _'Somebody That I Used to Know_'

* * *

**Thank you so much for the outpouring of support for this fic! It's so close to my heart and I love writing it! You can find me on tumblr (kismetff) for sneak peeks and other fic related things.**

**I really want to thank e-marina for letting me pester her constantly about this fic when she is busy with things of her own, and my wonderful, talented beta's Wildharp and katnissinme!**


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